How True? In many Marriages Today, Couples Hardly have Se x

How True? In many Marriages Today, Couples Hardly have Se x

- in Entertainment, Gossips
@Sir. steve

Written by Yetunde Arebi 
Sincerely, how do you advise a couple who have not had s*x together for close to two years? This was one of the interventions I had over the week. Both are under 50 years of age and have been married for less than 20 years. They are both committed to the welfare of their three lovely children, the church and care of their extended families.

There is no dispute of any sort between them and they are not separated by distance either, as the couple live together and see each other every day. It was not a complaint by either of them.

I chanced upon it during a chat on another issue totally unrelated to their s*x life with the wife. 

She did not seem disturbed by my concern that it was not a normal situation and there was need to do something about it. According to this sister, there were too many important issues and events in her life and s*x was not one of them.

Besides, she would not allow any man to use her body to satisfy his s*xual urges such that in her old age, her body will not work for her! I was surprised. So, how does her husband feel about this? Well, he has no choice but to accept her wishes. She says she is not worried that he might walk away as they have both agreed that whatever happens, there will be no divorce. As I write, she has not agreed that I speak to her husband about it.

S*xless marriages are becoming rather common these days. Before, it was normal to hear stories of married couples abstaining from s*xual intimacy for three, four months at a stretch for no serious reason or damage to their relationship. But these days, it appears the situation is taking more grievous twists and turns and for not so important reasons too. And now you can actually hear people say they have not had s*x with their partners for years and the two are still in a relationship. 

As what, if I may ask? Mother and father? Sister and brother? It is normal that when you are married or are in a long term relationship, the tendency that things will fall into a routine is very high. Because it is assumed or silently accepted that the partners are stuck together either by law, mutual respect for each other or some undeclared considerations, couples tend to take each other for granted and do not make enough effort at pleasing, pleasuring each other, investing in or improving on their s*x life. 
Many assume s*x is a foregone issue that must be performed between them, any which way.

The hustle and bustle of life, work and family can also become overwhelming, taking fun to the back burner, same with caring for the children, cooking and housekeeping, making and managing family finances. All of these and more can affect the love life, s*x and intimacy of couples who have been in a relationship for some time, such as my dear friend. 
However, the situation can be remedied or better managed if couples are willing and determined to improve on their relationships, rather than carry on with such attitude as she is. I think this should be the goal of any loving couple who wish to remain in their union, especially in these time of uncertainties. Those lucky to have someone to hold on to and share their lives with ought to do so with utmost care and devotion as life in these climes has become rather short and unpredictable.

One of the first steps to be taken is to improve on your communication skills. Children are perhaps the best source of information if you want to investigate how a couple live together. There have been reports of stories from children who’d innocently called their parents abusive names simply because that is what they have heard them call each other. 

Couples must learn to be intimate with each other. Intimacy is not just s*x or making out; it is the general attitude when they are together. It includes talking, assisting each other, playing together, including reading the same things if reading is what your partner loves to do. That way you can have something to talk about later and share your views on the issues. There are so many things a couple can do together to bring them closer besides s*x that will eventually improve their s*x life. 
You must create or maintain a bond. It is not the children that will bond you together, neither is it the property or investments and responsibilities you share together. For this lady, she is assuming that the church or Christianity is their bond forever. Most relationships that hang on these assumptions are usually not fun to be in. It sounds more like two business partners living together and there is a high chance that the partners would cheat. And when this happens, even to the knowledge of the other partner, usually the wife, she either looks the other way or eventually lose out.

No matter how difficult or busy you both are, please try to make out time for intimacy. Most people don’t have to go to work weekends, yet you find out that many partners tend to do their own things or make their own plans, excluding their other half. For many, going out means they are attending a social function or even family meeting.

Depending on status and environment, there are many places that you can visit together or shop together, such as the mall, the shops, the barbershop or the salon or spa. If the children are still young, get someone older and responsible enough to take care of them, or take them to your parents or family members that you trust. Where they are old enough to take care of themselves for a few days, take a trip. And it does not have to be expensive too. Make efforts to bring life into your marriage.

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