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Don’t be one of those girls.
When it comes to dating disasters, do you ever wonder “What went wrong?” or “Why did he break up with me?”
The truth is, most often women don’t know why things fell apart, because they unknowingly played a role in it. Fortunately, David Good, a former Bachelorette contestant and winner of the reality TV show Bachelor Pad, has the answers. Good is helping women get inside the minds of men in his book The Man Code: A Woman’s Guide to Cracking the Tough Guy.
Good thinks every woman should look for a Man Code man. “They are a little rough around the edges, but are honest and straight forward and will treat a woman with respect, and treat them like their queen once they decide to make that commitment. It’s about honesty and earning a Man Code man’s trust. Once you get that, you are theirs and they want everyone to know it.”
So how can women avoid losing a “Man Code” type of guy? According to Good, there are some specific things women do to push great guys away. This list isn’t just based on his own experience, but feedback he’s received from other men.
1. You want a man to change who he is.
Many women get in a relationship thinking they can change the man. If a man makes a change for a relationship, the benefit must outweigh the consequences of that change.
“I get it: You don’t want anything to make me as happy as you do. But if you’re willing to chase this result by eliminating everything else I might love from my life, then I don’t want you,” says Good.
2. You have an overwrought sense of urgency.
“Man Code” men liken romance to playing poker. While men pay attention to overall themes, women tend to sweat the small stuff. Good wants women to know that ulterior motives aren’t a Man Code man thing to play at, if he’s out late with his friends, he’s just out late with his friends.
3. You have s*x on the first date.
Unfortunate but true, the “Man Code” man is chivalrous but also “red-blooded and carnal” like most guys. If a woman offers s*x on the first date, any man will probably take her up on that. A woman who can walk away with a goodnight kiss and leave the man guessing appeals much more to men. They like the thrill of a chase.
4. You talk his ear off.
According to Good, women need to think of love as “quiet.” In other words, it’s what you do when no one is looking, or how you find their hand when things are bad and tell them it’s OK. If you hear “I love you” constantly, it loses it’s value.
“Love is the result of the events in our lives, not the result of talking about the idea of it,” assures Good.
5. You’re dishonest with him.
“Loyalty is everything. It’s the currency of our lives,” declares Good. When women are disloyal to other women, it tells a man they will be disloyal to them, too.
6. You don’t make him feel like a protector.
In the same way that a women wants to feel taken care of and protected, a man wants to know he’s the one that made her feel that way. “With a look or word, you can empower us,” Good explains.
Good has one powerful piece of advice for women: Don’t forget why your man fell for you. Woman AND men seem to stop doing the little things they did at the beginning of a relationship that made it fun. Think back and try doing some of the little things you “used” to do for him.
This article was originally published at GalTime.