one caucasian couple dispute separation man leaving and woman holding back in studio silhouette isolated on white background
He’s there for you … or is he?
Are you dating a guy right now, but don’t know what his intentions are with you? You really like him and you want it to work, but you can’t tell how much he has invested in the relationship.
Whether it’s mixed signals or missed connections, you might have started to suspect that he isn’t as invested as you are. Is he pushing you away when you want to get closer? Leaving a proverbial trail of emotional breadcrumbs that lead you in circles?
Watch out for these clues to see if your on-again off-again guy maybe isn’t as available as you think:
1. He always has an excuse when you want to talk about something that matters.
Is there some burning question you would love to ask your new partner, but haven’t because you fear his reaction? Maybe you’ve tried to talk about something important and it got brushed aside because your man was too busy … or maybe it’s happened more than once.
This is one of the clear cut signs you are dating an emotionally unavailable man.
2. He accuses you of being over-sensitive or needy.
Your important question has been dodged successfully several times now, and he still doesn’t have an answer for you. Suddenly, you’re being overly-sensitive or needy every time you try to approach the topic. When the guy puts it back on you, be careful. He’s avoiding it for a reason.
3. He loves to delay progression.
Throughout the course of your relationship, different big issues are going to present themselves — like establishing if you’re an “item”, or what kind of family life you might want or expect in the future with them. You’re excited about the prospect and daydreaming about what life will be like in ten years, but he’s either pushing the thoughts aside or not agreeing to any kind of firm path for you both.
If he’s not giving you any idea of a future together or only going along with yours, he might not be picturing that white-picket fence with you in the yard with him.
4. He’s never there when you really needed him
You’ve been out together. Maybe you’ve slept together. You’ve been on more than a handful of dates, but you’re still not certain exactly *what* the two of your are.
When you’re with your guy he’s attentive and amazing, and makes you feel good, but when he’s gone, he’s practically a master of disappearing, and the time you spend together is far outweighed by the time you spend apart. This guy is never going to give you what you want because he’s not looking out for your needs.
5. He’s not talking about your future together.
The emotionally unavailable guy is not always invested in the outcome; he doesn’t always think long-term. Notice how he speaks about you and your time together with him.
Are you mentioned in any version of his future plans apart from the immediate? Do you find yourself realizing he’s never talked about plans with you in the future tense? If your guy is only interested in hanging out in the moment, having fun, and disappearing when things get more in-depth, it’s a clear sign he’s not thinking of you in the years ahead.
Men are emotionally unavailable for several reasons, and sometimes they need space to make a decision to become emotionally available to you (or anyone else) in the future. Maybe he fears you won’t like what he has to say or will reject his ideas. Maybe he’s comfortable where he is in life right now, or he’s just gotten out of a serious relationship and isn’t ready to move forward with someone else just yet.
The important thing here is to know what you want, and to find a guy who will give you all of those things. Wanting an unavailable guy to be available is keeping you stuck in a relationship loop that’s simply going nowhere.