Written by Yetunde Arebi
Sincerely, how do you advise a couple who have not had s*x together for close to two years? This was one of the interventions I had over the week. Both are under 50 years of age and have been married for less than 20 years. They are both committed to the welfare of their three lovely children, the church and care of their extended families.
I chanced upon it during a chat on another issue totally unrelated to their s*x life with the wife.
Besides, she would not allow any man to use her body to satisfy his s*xual urges such that in her old age, her body will not work for her! I was surprised. So, how does her husband feel about this? Well, he has no choice but to accept her wishes. She says she is not worried that he might walk away as they have both agreed that whatever happens, there will be no divorce. As I write, she has not agreed that I speak to her husband about it.
S*xless marriages are becoming rather common these days. Before, it was normal to hear stories of married couples abstaining from s*xual intimacy for three, four months at a stretch for no serious reason or damage to their relationship. But these days, it appears the situation is taking more grievous twists and turns and for not so important reasons too. And now you can actually hear people say they have not had s*x with their partners for years and the two are still in a relationship.
The hustle and bustle of life, work and family can also become overwhelming, taking fun to the back burner, same with caring for the children, cooking and housekeeping, making and managing family finances. All of these and more can affect the love life, s*x and intimacy of couples who have been in a relationship for some time, such as my dear friend.
One of the first steps to be taken is to improve on your communication skills. Children are perhaps the best source of information if you want to investigate how a couple live together. There have been reports of stories from children who’d innocently called their parents abusive names simply because that is what they have heard them call each other.
No matter how difficult or busy you both are, please try to make out time for intimacy. Most people don’t have to go to work weekends, yet you find out that many partners tend to do their own things or make their own plans, excluding their other half. For many, going out means they are attending a social function or even family meeting.
Depending on status and environment, there are many places that you can visit together or shop together, such as the mall, the shops, the barbershop or the salon or spa. If the children are still young, get someone older and responsible enough to take care of them, or take them to your parents or family members that you trust. Where they are old enough to take care of themselves for a few days, take a trip. And it does not have to be expensive too. Make efforts to bring life into your marriage.